


Fluidity

by zoreozoishiki



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Definitions, Dresses, Femininity, Gen, Genderfluid, Make-up, Phanfiction, Tumblr, feminine!dan, genderfluid!dan, genderfluidity, non-binary!dan, phanfic, supportive!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoreozoishiki/pseuds/zoreozoishiki
Summary: Dan's not different, he's still Dan. If anything, he's exactly the same, only a little bit braver and a lot more confident.





	Fluidity

**Author's Note:**

> One shot because I love genderfluid!dan and this has probably been done a billion times before but I don't care because I wrote my own version.
> 
> New chapter of the list coming soon also ;))))
> 
> Non-binary definitions from Non-Binary.org and Gender Wiki.
> 
> Also I know nothing about make-up so I may get stuff wrong lol.
> 
> Thanks for reading frens.

If Dan's honest, he probably has let his eyes linger for a bit too long on the dresses his past girlfriends were buying for themselves when then went shopping together before quickly acting disinterested, and maybe he secretly didn't mind when one of said girlfriends decided to test the make-up she was considering buying on him because they had the same skin tone, and maybe sometimes he feels like a girl.

But it didn't make sense.

He'd come across the word 'transgender' years and years ago, probably before he started YouTube, but he knows that that word just doesn't fit him or how he's feeling. Like, sometimes he wants boobs, and sometimes his 'manly' flat chest gets him down a bit, but not enough to make him want to fully transition, because sometimes he can look in the mirror and be completely happy with what he sees, it's just the other times that he's worried about.

Scrolling through his tumblr dash for the millionth time in the past day, he manages to stop his and stare at his laptop screen for a few seconds, the words 'NON-BINARY GENDERS' staring right back at him, he glances around, realising Phil is nowhere to be seen since he's editing a video, and then quickly clicks on the 'read more' link below the large letters before he can think twice about it.

Once he's been taken to the blog of the user who posted the thing that suddenly caught his attention, he focuses on the definitions littering the screen.

He knows what non-binary genders are, of course. When you're a tumblr user it's pretty difficult to avoid a post that has something to do with gender or a sexuality, whether said gender or sexuality is a considered 'made up' or not, it's just that he's obviously never thought about the possibility that he could fit one of these labels.

 **DEMIGENDER** : _(From demi 'half' + 'gender') is an umbrella term for nonbinary gender identities that have a partial connection to a certain gender. This includes the partly female identity **demigirl** and the partly male identity **demiboy**._

Well that doesn't sound like him, a little similar maybe, but he's sure he feels fully male when he does feel male.

He skim reads a few more, deciding that he doesn't really fit any of the descriptions, and stops properly at the next one that catches his eye.

 **AGENDER** : _Agender is a term which can be literally translated as 'without gender'. It can be seen either as a non-binary gender identity or as a statement of not having a gender identity. People who identify as agender may describe themselves as one of the following: **genderless or lacking gender, gender neutral**._

He doesn't fit that definition either, he knows he either feels male or female, and when he does it's definitely fully male or female.

He's on the verge of giving up when he scrolls a little further down and sees a definition that makes his heart start racing, either from nervousness or excitement; he can't really tell.

 **GENDERFLUID** : _Genderfluid is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time. A genderfluid person may at any time identify as male, female, neutrois, or any other non-binary identity, or some combination of identities. Their gender can also vary at random or vary in response to different circumstances._

Dan lets out a breath he doesn't know he's been holding and stares at the definition for a few more seconds before smiling a little. Genderfluid that sounds about right, sometimes he feels male and sometimes he feels female, that's fine, there's a definition so it must be normal. And even if he wasn't, "Normalness leads to sadness" and all that other poetic stuff Phil says. He closed the tab and resumes his browsing on tumblr, a small smile resting on his lips.

He doesn't tell Phil. He's not ready to, but that doesn't stop him from secretly browsing the women's aisle the next time he goes clothes shopping alone. And he definitely picks up some black nail polish, and maybe some lipstick as well.

It's not like he actually knows how to apply any actual make-up so he sticks with lipstick and black nail polish in his room or whenever Phil's out of the apartment and watches make-up tutorials on YouTube.

He knows the fans have noticed the nail polish that he sometimes can't be bothered to take off before filming a video or a live show, but he doesn't mention it, and ignores comments about it, which may come across as rude, but he's not ready to start explaining himself yet and he doesn't want to lie.

He continues messing around with lipstick and different colours of nail polish before finally buying himself some eyeliner. After what feels like a thousand failed attempts over the course of many days he finally manages to make his 'wings' look semi-decent.

The next step: foundation, concealer, mascara, the lot. He buys it all in one go (along with about five more shades of lipstick) and hides it all under his underwear in his chest of drawers.

When Phil leaves for the weekend to go visit his family up north Dan relishes in the sudden freedom he has and immediately covers his face in make-up the second Phil's out the door. His eyeliner is pretty damn close to perfect now and he's managed to master the foundation and concealer in a short amount of time as well. He finishes his 'look' off with some ombré lips and black nail polish and he's set for the rest of the day.

The day after he does the same thing, but before that he ventured out into town and buys himself a short black dress, and black flats to match. He goes home and immediately puts it on, applying his make-up straight after and immediately checking himself out in the mirror.

The next day he's constantly keeping his eyes on the clock so he has enough time to get everything off before Phil comes back.

Phil arrives home early, probably intending to surprise him, but Dan darts into his bedroom so fast when he hears the door locks sliding out of place that you would've thought his ass was on fire.

"Dan, can you help me with this please?" He hears Phil call and he immediately panics, he clears all of the make-up on the top of his drawers into the one holding all of his underwear and slams it shut. Then he hunts around for his make-up wipes and hurriedly wipes at his face.

"Coming!" He yells back as he hears Phil struggle with something.

He knows his lipstick is smudging and he can only use his tiny mirror that was a pound from the store he went to to see his face and most of the spots he's missing. His mascara and eyeliner are smudged so now he looks like a terrified panda.

"Dan?" Phil shouts, his voice seems a lot closer than it was before and Dan panics even more.

"D-don't, don't come in!" Dan suddenly remembers about the dress and he rubs harder at his face.

"Why not?" Phil asks from outside his door.

"I-I'm naked!" It's a weak excuse and the most cliché one to use but it's the best one Dan can come up with right now.

"Dan I've already seen you naked you idiot," Phil slowly pushes the door open, "what's wrong?"

Phil freezes in the doorway, Dan does too, they make eye contact for five seconds before Phil breaks the awkward silence.

"Dan…what are you doing?"

Dan bursts into tears.

"Woah, woah, woah." Phil's suddenly at his side and the two of them slowly drift down to the floor together with Dan in Phil's comforting arms.

"I'm genderfluid Phil." Dan blurts out between sobs, and then he explains everything, the questioning, tumblr, the dresses, the make-up, the secrets.

"I'm offended that you think I'd care." Phil jokes after Dan's calmed down a little, and he manages a weak laugh in response.

"Sorry." Dan sniffs, and Phil finds a tissue and mops up Dan's tears before finding a make-up wipe and clearing away the remnants of Dan's severely smudged make-up.

He helps Dan out of his dress and into some other clothes and they spend the rest of the day together until Phil does his liveshow.

The next few months are filled Dan slowly getting braver and going out in public with his nails painted, and then with lipstick, and then foundation and concealer and the rest.

He explains his gender identity in a liveshow to someone who asks, stating that he still uses he/him pronouns, and everyone takes it super well (except for a few that Dan doesn't care about) and Dan starts wondering why he was every afraid to tell anyone in the first place.

After all, Dan's not different, he's still Dan. If anything, he's exactly the same, only a little bit braver and a lot more confident.

And Phil of course, supports him all the way.


End file.
